How to Work with Yourself Instead of Against Yourself
Lindsay Knake
| 3 min read
Lindsay Knake is a brand journalist for Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan.
A negative self-relationship can lead to increased stress, anxiety and depression. On the other hand, a positive self-relationship, including self-confidence and a sense of self-worth, can help improve your resilience and mental health.
One of the ways you can develop a healthy self-relationship is to work with yourself instead of against yourself. It can show up as self-sabotage. This is an unconscious effort to avoid failure that causes us to act against our long-term goals. Fear of failure, perfectionism and overwhelm can lead to us getting in our own way through procrastination and avoidance.
Here are a few ways you can create a positive self-relationship and stop getting in your own way.
Watch your inner critic
Consistent negative self-talk is associated with anxiety and depression, according to the Cleveland Clinic. An overly critical internal voice can make daily tasks more difficult and make simple mistakes out to be much bigger than they are. If you’re struggling to get started on a task, it may mean the task is more difficult than you first believed.
Be mindful of the internalized self-critic, which can be a bully, and reframe your perspective. Instead of thinking, “I’m so bad at this,” change your thought to “This is a challenge, and I can apply myself and learn.”
Allow your feelings
Don’t punish yourself for having emotions such as sadness, anger or desire. Emotions are signals, and they come and go. Rather than getting hooked on the emotion or pushing it away, take note of the emotion and let it go in a practice called mindfulness.
Another way emotions can present challenges is when we don’t want to do something we need to. For example, wanting a fast-food meal instead of a plate of vegetables, whole grains and lean meat. You can acknowledge your desire for the unhealthy meal without chiding yourself for being unhealthy and then eat the nutritious meal.
Let go of perfectionism
Perfectionism can seem like a positive trait, such as having high standards and expectations. But this can come from the belief that your self-worth depends on your accomplishments. A high amount of pressure to be productive and never make mistakes can lead to procrastination, stress and anxiety, according to the Cleveland Clinic.
Focusing on the process and understanding that sometimes good enough is, well, good enough, can help you get your work done with less stress.
Embrace your natural habits
If you’re a night owl, it can be difficult to change your sleep patterns. Or if you dislike running, trying to turn yourself into a runner can be miserable. Instead of trying to force yourself to do things that do not work for you, try creating a schedule and habits that work with your personality, chronotype and other characteristics.
You may end up feeling like a failure if you don’t get up at 5 a.m. or train for a 5K, but you could allow yourself to stay up a bit later or pick a way to exercise that you enjoy. Sometimes, our schedules are out of our control. You can refrain from punishing yourself if the early morning wake-up never gets easier.
Give yourself the structure you need
Providing yourself with a structure that allows you to get your work done can reduce stress of a mental load. Try creating a to-do list, using a planner or calendar or making a morning or evening routine that you enjoy. Set realistic expectations and give yourself time to solidify your habits.
All of this is to say, don’t punish yourself for being human. Making mistakes, struggling with strong emotions and wanting to avoid certain tasks is part of the package. By practicing self-awareness and self-compassion, you can make those events a little easier.
Image: Getty Images
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